This made me feel so seen. Thank you. I've never felt the imposter syndrome thing though I fit the things that people believe constitute the elements of it: African-American, working class, first generation graduate from college and law school. It's like being a very confident secret agent on a mission, as you said.
I relate, I also moved between classes, my journey was arduous, and I'm biracial. I'm also treated very differently depending on how people read me.
I've always struggled to understand the definition of imposter syndrome. I figured that it's a psychological problem that people have, then I must have it, because I have them all. But, there's never been a point in my life where I've pointed at a specific thought or feeling and said, "that's imposter syndrome."
Your entry makes me wonder if a necessary component of imposter syndrome is having taken too easy a path to achieve a goal--a perceived imbalance between what you have and how you've worked.
Yes, I definitely see what you're saying. I'm hesitant to judge whether something was easy or not for another person -- you never know what a person has been through. Even the advantaged suffer abuses, and advantage itself can be sort of abuse, like, if a person is always in the shadow of their successful parents, always compared unfavorably to them, always given legs-up and family-friend help to the point that they never feel that they accomplish anything on their own? And I know (and love!) some people whose neurodiversity makes it so things that might be easy for someone else are time-intensive emotion-draining struggles. There are as many stories as there are people, and our stories make us. :)
I will go ahead and admit that I might have a certain amount of inborn arrogance that allows me to encounter adversity without it affecting my sense of self. I'm more likely to be mad at the other guy than to say "oh gee, I must be no good, or the one in the wrong." That's a personality "strength" that has to be tempered and moderated, though, or else you are, and I admit I have in the past been, just an asshole. :D
But when encountering assholes, or systems rigged against you, persistence and unwavering belief in your own value are the handholds and footholds that carry you forward.
You make a very good point; we don't know about people's struggles.
I agree that giving someone so much help that it psychologically cripples them is a sort of abuse. When I wrote my previous comment, I was thinking about something I read about how participation trophies actually harmed the self-esteem of the kids who got them because kids are smart enough to know how they rank among their peers. A participation trophy sends them the message that they're too fragile to handle losing.
It's funny that you bring up neurodiversity and struggle in this conversation. I got excited because I thought you were going to say that being neurodiverse makes things that are a struggle for most people into something easy. I'm currently getting evaluated for autism, and my husband and I are pretty sure that I'm on the spectrum. While there's always talk about the disadvantages to being neurodiverse, there's very little talk about the advantages of it. There are some things that are much easier for me--probably because I'm autistic.
Because of that, I'd said to my husband the other day that I was experiencing imposter syndrome because I didn't feel autistic enough (something I completely forgot about when I commented earlier). My life hasn't been completely destroyed by it, so it must not be real. Granted, I need total control over my environment, so I can't ever work a normal job, but that's just a minor detail, I guess, haha.
Speaking of inborn arrogance, my husband is a white man who grew up with every advantage in the world. He went through a PhD program surrounded by people who talked nonstop about their imposter syndrome. He's very aware of his privilege but has told me he's never experienced a minute of imposter syndrome. So, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
As a parent (and parent of an autistic kid!) I definitely feel this. Especially with autism there's this phenomenon where people who DO know say "are you sure your kid's really autistic? They seem fine to me!" and people who DON'T know say, "what's wrong with your weird kid?" It's like you can never be autistic enough, but you're never normal enough either!
Thank God for that! Normal is such a strange word because it's so subjective. For most of my life, my goal has been to be "normal," but I don't think you need to be neurotypical to be normal. Often times, I think it's NT's that are the weird ones. I don't think neurotypicals should be categorized as "typical" just because there are more of them.
This is fascinating, and I'm not surprised that it caused a lot of debate. I don't have kids, so I don't know how Pass the Parcel is usually played, but I get the impression that somehow everyone wins a small prize, rather than one person getting a large prize. It kind of makes me wonder, though, if you play a game where everyone wins (even a game of chance), how is that fun? The entertainment is in the suspense of waiting to see what happens. If you already know what's going to happen, then it's just... a thing you're doing until it ends.
This made me feel so seen. Thank you. I've never felt the imposter syndrome thing though I fit the things that people believe constitute the elements of it: African-American, working class, first generation graduate from college and law school. It's like being a very confident secret agent on a mission, as you said.
I relate, I also moved between classes, my journey was arduous, and I'm biracial. I'm also treated very differently depending on how people read me.
I've always struggled to understand the definition of imposter syndrome. I figured that it's a psychological problem that people have, then I must have it, because I have them all. But, there's never been a point in my life where I've pointed at a specific thought or feeling and said, "that's imposter syndrome."
Your entry makes me wonder if a necessary component of imposter syndrome is having taken too easy a path to achieve a goal--a perceived imbalance between what you have and how you've worked.
Yes, I definitely see what you're saying. I'm hesitant to judge whether something was easy or not for another person -- you never know what a person has been through. Even the advantaged suffer abuses, and advantage itself can be sort of abuse, like, if a person is always in the shadow of their successful parents, always compared unfavorably to them, always given legs-up and family-friend help to the point that they never feel that they accomplish anything on their own? And I know (and love!) some people whose neurodiversity makes it so things that might be easy for someone else are time-intensive emotion-draining struggles. There are as many stories as there are people, and our stories make us. :)
I will go ahead and admit that I might have a certain amount of inborn arrogance that allows me to encounter adversity without it affecting my sense of self. I'm more likely to be mad at the other guy than to say "oh gee, I must be no good, or the one in the wrong." That's a personality "strength" that has to be tempered and moderated, though, or else you are, and I admit I have in the past been, just an asshole. :D
But when encountering assholes, or systems rigged against you, persistence and unwavering belief in your own value are the handholds and footholds that carry you forward.
You make a very good point; we don't know about people's struggles.
I agree that giving someone so much help that it psychologically cripples them is a sort of abuse. When I wrote my previous comment, I was thinking about something I read about how participation trophies actually harmed the self-esteem of the kids who got them because kids are smart enough to know how they rank among their peers. A participation trophy sends them the message that they're too fragile to handle losing.
It's funny that you bring up neurodiversity and struggle in this conversation. I got excited because I thought you were going to say that being neurodiverse makes things that are a struggle for most people into something easy. I'm currently getting evaluated for autism, and my husband and I are pretty sure that I'm on the spectrum. While there's always talk about the disadvantages to being neurodiverse, there's very little talk about the advantages of it. There are some things that are much easier for me--probably because I'm autistic.
Because of that, I'd said to my husband the other day that I was experiencing imposter syndrome because I didn't feel autistic enough (something I completely forgot about when I commented earlier). My life hasn't been completely destroyed by it, so it must not be real. Granted, I need total control over my environment, so I can't ever work a normal job, but that's just a minor detail, I guess, haha.
Speaking of inborn arrogance, my husband is a white man who grew up with every advantage in the world. He went through a PhD program surrounded by people who talked nonstop about their imposter syndrome. He's very aware of his privilege but has told me he's never experienced a minute of imposter syndrome. So, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
As a parent (and parent of an autistic kid!) I definitely feel this. Especially with autism there's this phenomenon where people who DO know say "are you sure your kid's really autistic? They seem fine to me!" and people who DON'T know say, "what's wrong with your weird kid?" It's like you can never be autistic enough, but you're never normal enough either!
I want to share with you this episode of the (really great) Australian cartoon Bluey: https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/kids/weird-bluey-episode-sparks-huge-parenting-debate/news-story/802fd67f1d5725f09bb1394dd8837cf9
If you're willing to watch a short kids' cartoon, it's definitely worth your time! :)
And for the record, I am not in favor of anyone being "normal"! :)
Thank God for that! Normal is such a strange word because it's so subjective. For most of my life, my goal has been to be "normal," but I don't think you need to be neurotypical to be normal. Often times, I think it's NT's that are the weird ones. I don't think neurotypicals should be categorized as "typical" just because there are more of them.
This is fascinating, and I'm not surprised that it caused a lot of debate. I don't have kids, so I don't know how Pass the Parcel is usually played, but I get the impression that somehow everyone wins a small prize, rather than one person getting a large prize. It kind of makes me wonder, though, if you play a game where everyone wins (even a game of chance), how is that fun? The entertainment is in the suspense of waiting to see what happens. If you already know what's going to happen, then it's just... a thing you're doing until it ends.